If you own a boat and you live in the Sacramento area, you need to bring it to Folsom Lake. It is a beautiful lake, but the real reason is that any hot girl that lives in Folsom CA, or in the Sacramento area during the summer wants to be on a boat. The Sacramento River is to crowded and trashy, and Folsom Lake is far enough away that you don’t have as much scum as you do on the rivers.

Now it doesn’t matter how old, fat, or ugly you are, if you own a boat and fill it with beer you can have the hottest chicks in Sacramento gracing your presence all day. I’m not talking about the cougar divorcee moms, I’m talking the college drop outs that are cocktailling at one of the clubs in Sacramento. Boob jobs and all, ready to beer bong and show some skin.

Yes you fat ass. this is what you do. Befriend some girls on Facebook that you meet at the clubs. Momo or The Park or Mixx in Sacramento. Now don’t be a douche bag and ask for their phone numbers because you will get shot down, no matter how drunk you get them or how rich you are. But there is one condition Coke, yep cocaine if you have enough of that you can pull almost any of the Sacramento, “Bottle Beggers” back to your pad. But if you are just a normal Joe that doesn’t do drugs, have an alright job, not the best looking, kinda chubby and not to much of a club guy it doesn’t matter you just have to own a boat. So you don’t get shot down asking for their numbers. Just get their names. See now all you need is a Facebook account. Any young skank worth hitting on has a Facebook account, and most will even add you Folsom Lake boat guy. Why you may ask , is because a lot of these girls feel more self esteem based on the amount of Facebook friends they have.

Now to pick your Folsom Lake girlfriends. Go through their pictures. Look for the ones that aren’t afraid to post dirty pictures of themselves on Facebook. You know ones with their big fake boobs popping out of their dirty little clubbing dress. Or ones in bikinis posing with their friends, ones of them drinking heavily and acting a fool making out with their girlfriends, you get the point. Those are your keepers.

Now you may start by Facebook stalking a couple, but you want to have a few Facebook hookers for your Folsom Lake trips. Now you need to make sure all your Facebook pictures are from good times on your boat. Even if you have to pay some people to go out. Tons of pictures of drinking on your boat on Folsom Lake just having fun. Next step do some Facebook fishing, update your status on Wednesday or Thursday saying you are taking your boat out on Folsom Lake on Saturday, and how exciting it is going to be. Or even better say your are taking it out on Tuesday afternoon, and watch what happens. Instant hot friends for the summer. Remember for Summer, you will have to figure something new out for winter.

Guys you need to do this now, this is the best time in history for you dorks with boats, because of the economy. A couple years a go every tattooed douche bag “legend” in the mortgage industry had a boat. But  those idiots are fat out of shape broke dicks who’s boats cars and houses have all been foreclosed on. So strike now when you have a chance. Have fun on Folsom Lake my friends.

All you need is a boat.

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